The Not-So-Happy Girl

So, this took me around 2 weeks to write, but I THINK it's halfway decent now. Constructive criticism is WELCOME!

Untitled
November 9, 2008 8:17 PM

A child brought to life
A child put to death
And only fourteen years between
Her birth and final rest

She would nbever be pristine
For in her dreams she'd face it
'Twas in her eyes, yet no one knew
How she struggled in order to fake it

She stayed shut up in the now-blue room
Formerly pure as she never would be
Tried and failed to break the mirror
That showed such a horror as she

Vivid darkness heightens her senses
And in the silence she bleeds
The drops, they are her monologue
Her very soon-ending speech

Prolonged by worthless charity
Half convinced by plea and beg
"Return my soul, you'll have your heart,"
But he won't agree to the trade

He knows that wit that barter
He's signing her life away
He's pulling the trigger, slashing the blade
Ensuring her body won't wake

So he declines and wishes her well
Though he knows it angers her
Being tied to Earth by him
Whilst the other strangles her

She stands alone in th cold
Knowing she's been the great failure
The pain she causes for one last time
She's positive that it won't fail her.

New Poem

So, I just finished writing this poem for my English class. This is the version I've submitted.

A Father's Gift
Written October 14-15. 2008

I bring to you my past
A time that often repeats
It plays in my head all over again
Come now, you'll meet the beast

Father, I return home to you
In hopes of praise before you sleep
Instead I see my childhood
Pouring from the emotional leak

It seems you've made your choice
Premeditated, but a fair trade
Your absence brings me knowledge
And I know you've dearly paid

I'm renewed, but kept inside
This gesture not gone from my memory
My fake smile mirrors yours
And the stoic face you wear just like me

So here's to you, Father
For this stunted relationship of ours
I'm smarter now, I know not to trust
My thanks are as silent as yours

~//~

Tell me what you think!

New One in the Works

Hey, I'm working on a new poem, formulating the rest of it in my head as I type. No previews, sorry! But have a look in a day or two, it should be done by then, but I apologize in advance if it's not. Have a nice night and and improved tomorrow!

Oldie-But-Goodie (I hope)

I feel...rather interesting today. I think I'm beginning to come out of a serious period of writer's block. I haven't written anything much yet, but here's an oldie.

Scars Shown
July 28, 2008 9:40 PM

Those nights I felt
So torn uo
That I took a blade
With which to cut
Days later
Thin lines revealed
Skin close to scars
Dead cells halfway peeled
The urge hits me
Burning, writhing desire
Flames as a blade lick me
And continue the wretched fire